Last Saturday, Exeter played Wasps in the European Champions Cup Quarter Final. It was a game with a lot at stake. With six seconds left at the end of a sensational encounter, chasing a six point deficit, Wasps scored a try. With time elapsed, the conversation attempt from the right hand touchline determined who would win and progress to the semi final. It was as hard an angle as a right footed kicker could face, so the odds probably still favoured Exeter at that stage. The final kick of the game, in circumstances of ultimate drama, was successful. Exeter were out of the competition.
The response of the Exeter head coach in the post match interview? "We contributed to a really good game of Rugby". No recriminations, no one to blame. Simply the recognition of an outstanding sporting encounter that had not been impoverished by the implications of the final kick. The Daily Telegraph commented that Rob Baxter's comment "gives you a clue ... why Exeter are universally admired"
Following the Rugby World Cup Final, losing captain Stephen Moore, praised the effort of his players before acknowledging, "The All Blacks were better than us tonight. They are worthy champions. Congratulations to them."
On the biggest stages of sport, at the moment of rawest emotion, these sensational role models recognised two things: that they had been part of a wonderful sporting contest, and that one side had to win. And that the second did not undermine the first.
If this response is achievable in an environment with so much at stake in terms of prestige and financial implication, it would be logical to think that the environment of school sport would find it much easier to match this attitude. Sadly, this is far from always the case.
Too often, the response of parents, players and coaches is to seek to allocate blame. There are plenty of easy targets for this. The referee is usually the first port of call, sometimes followed by the coach, maybe the opposition school's size or recruitment policy. Or the pitch. Or the weather. Anything, really except the players.
Why does this happen? Largely in a misguided attempt to make children feel better. They haven't failed, it wasn't their fault. The blame lies elsewhere. It's not fair.
But in trying so hard to make children FEEL better, an opportunity is often lost to make them BECOME better. To learn to deal with disappointment, but also to recognise the triumph of giving best effort and to appreciate the efforts of the opponent. Adaptive competition is indeed a collaboration between the players, the rules, the referee and the spirit of the game. "Thanks for the game," is the salutation that acknowledges it. No one expresses this better than iconic Basketball coach, John Wooden: "When you give your total effort, the scoreboard can never make you a loser". And by extension, "When you do less, it can't somehow magically turn you into a winner."
This is not to underestimate the importance of winning - or to suggest that it doesn't matter. The commitment to excellence in preparation and performance is the soul of sport. Both Australia and Exeter did everything in their power to achieve that. It is simply to recognise that there are positive outcomes in sport that don't depend on finishing the game with more goals than the opposition.
Sour, reluctant handshakes, unfortunate parental comments and coaches disputing with the referee establish a different message. They model a loss of self control, and undermine the value of the contest. A great game does not become a less good one when the lead changes hands.
Defeat and disappointment are inevitable in sport. Maladaptive response is not. Where the pursuit of winning overtakes striving for excellence, the opportunities for learning life lessons are diluted. The culture of school sport is emphatically set by the adults who coach, watch and support it. Their attitude to what constitutes winning and losing is, therefore, hugely influential. Acknowledging that the opposition played really well, and deserved to win, is not an inevitable outcome.
Elite sport is often derided for its self interest and poor behaviour. It can, however, also be a sensational role model from which some schools, and their pupils and teachers, have much to learn.
