“I Love Watching You Play”
Why what we say (and do not say) on the touchline really matters
Every parent wants what is best for their child. As Directors of Sport, we share that same aim, not just for performance, but for long-term engagement, enjoyment and wellbeing.
I have spent lots of time talking with parents and colleagues about the impact of touchline behaviour. In that time, I have watched and listened to countless well-meaning comments from the sidelines and I have often asked myself a simple question: does this actually help learning, or does it get in the way?
At school level, many of us have clarified our why. At its heart sits a clear purpose: to instil a love of sport so that pupils choose to remain physically active long after they leave school. Once that purpose is agreed, everything else should align with it: our curriculum, coaching behaviours, competition models, communication with parents and the language we use before, during and after matches.
Creating the right environment for learning
A growing body of research supports what many of us instinctively know. Children thrive in environments where effort is valued, mistakes are normalised and challenge is embraced. Developing a growth mindset is not a poster on the wall, it is a daily practice.
We want pupils to understand that:
- Skills are developed through effort and persistence
- Challenge is a good thing, not something to be avoided
- Constructive feedback is part of learning, not a personal attack
- Setbacks are information, not failure
Learning new skills is rarely neat or polished. It can be uncomfortable, frustrating and, at times, messy. When pupils understand this, they are more willing to take risks, persevere and avoid defaulting to the easy option.
Remembering whose game it is
One of the most powerful shifts we can make as coaches and teachers is reminding ourselves that this is the children’s game, not ours.
In practice, this has led many departments to:
- Encourage pupils to organise their own warm-ups
- Empower captains to lead team talks
- Use substitutes as observers who feed back at half-time
- Step back during breaks to allow pupils to problem-solve
Feedback during games remains supportive and encouraging but not overbearing. We also explain this approach clearly to parents, particularly when it looks different from what they may expect. Transparency builds trust.
A key message we share with parents is simple: avoid shouting instructions during games. Teams have already agreed their tactics, teammates are communicating and additional voices can create confusion rather than clarity.
Before, during and after competition
Before the game
Children know that winning matters at some level. Telling them it does not matter at all can feel disingenuous. Instead, we can help them develop a healthy competitive mindset by reinforcing effort, enjoyment and personal goals. Shift the focus towards controllables. Asking pupils about their individual goals for the day also provides a more meaningful way to reflect afterwards than a simple scoreline.
During the game
Encourage positive support for both teams. Acknowledge good play. Avoid criticism of mistakes. Respect officials, even when decisions feel frustrating. Children notice adult behaviour far more than we sometimes realise.
Equally important is accepting where and how pupils are used within a game. Avoiding early specialisation and pigeon-holing is critical if we want broad skill development and long-term participation.
After the game
Congratulate pupils on their effort. Thank officials and coaches. If disappointment is present, help pupils reflect on what they learned rather than dwelling solely on the outcome.
For some children, the car journey home is the hardest part of the day. Emotions are high and immediate analysis can feel overwhelming. One simple question can change everything:
Did you enjoy that?
Often, the most productive conversations happen later, once everyone has had time to reflect.
Questions that really matter
Here are ten questions worth asking pupils about their sporting experience:
- Are you enjoying yourself?
- What makes sport more enjoyable for you? What makes it less enjoyable?
- How would you like me to support you from the sidelines?
- Do you like talking about games straight after, or later?
- What other sports would you like to try?
- What are your individual goals this season?
- How will you work towards those goals?
- What are your team’s goals?
- How will the team achieve them?
- What is your role in the team, and how do you feel about it?
If that feels a bit intense, try something lighter instead:
- What challenged you today?
- Who made you smile?
- When did you feel most proud of yourself?
- If one teammate could coach for the day, who would it be and why?
A simple but powerful message
It is worth reminding ourselves regularly: it is not our game, it is the children’s.
The best piece of advice I was ever given, as both a coach and a parent, was this:
“I love watching you play.”
It is simple, authentic and puts the emphasis exactly where it should be. If pupils know they are supported, valued and enjoyed, we give them the best possible chance of developing a positive lifelong relationship with sport.
Chris Dossett
Chair, PADSIS
